Your client is sharing the results of the 2 action steps she’s taken to get better life balance. She walked for 30 minutes each day and is feeling more relaxed. And when her supervisor asked her to design a newsletter, she responded with, “I’m happy to design a newsletter. What would you like me to stop working on in order do this?” Her supervisor said she should stop work on a promotional video!
 
You look at your client and say, “You’ve made real progress on getting better life balance. You accomplished your 2 action steps. You’re more relaxed, and you took on a new task without increasing your overall workload. Good for you!” Your client has a big smile on her face. She looks encouraged.
 
My point: Use affirmation to encourage others.
 
Question: How often do you use affirmation to encourage others?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently use affirmation to encourage others. And when you give affirmation, make sure your affirmation is:

1. Growth-centered
2. Relevant
3. Authentic
4. Client-focused
5. Energizing
6. Specific

Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently use affirmation to encourage others?

I’m talking with a friend about how I can more effectively help an organization build capacity. I share that I’m not sufficiently aware of how the organization is responding to my recommendations. My friend asks, “What do you mean by ‘not sufficiently aware’?” I explain that I get no feedback so I don’t know which (if any) recommendations the organization has processed, and I don’t know what the organization thinks of my recommendations.
 
Then I go on to describe how I got involved with the organization. I share that the organization has asked me to submit recommendations in writing and that I don’t have the opportunity to discuss my recommendations with someone on staff. My friend asks, “So are you saying that you want to talk through your recommendations with someone in the organization?”
 
I like his questions. I like his questions because they show he’s listening. And I like his questions because they show he’s interested in me and in what I’m saying. His use of clarification encourages me to keep thinking and to find ways to help the organization.
 
Question: How often do you use clarification to encourage others?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

My point: Make sure you consistently use clarification to encourage others.
 
Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently use clarification to encourage others?

In Japan, the listener shows that he’s listening by saying things like “hai hai,” (um hm) and “naruhodo” (I see). When the person talking hears these phrases, he’s encouraged to continue talking. In a real sense, these phrases are “encouragers.”
 
My point: Use “encouragers” to encourage your clients to keep talking and reflecting. When you’re coaching, say things like “yup,” “yes,” “um hmm,” “I see,” and “hmm.”
 
Question: How often do you use “encouragers” to encourage others?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Question: What will do to ensure that you consistently use “encouragers” to encourage others?

I’ve gotten coaching on things that had obvious solutions. For example, I’ve gotten coaching on how avoid getting overloaded at a conference, when the (obvious) solution was to schedule down time. I’ve gotten coaching on which new goals to pursue, when the (obvious) solution was not to pursue any—my schedule was already full.
 
I’m glad that my coaches empowered me to discover effective action steps. I’m glad they didn’t say things like, “It’s a conference—you shouldn’t be focused on avoiding overload” or “Look, your schedule is already full, so thinking about which new goals to pursue is a bad idea.” I’m glad that coaches refrained from criticizing me.
 
Question: How often do you refrain from criticizing your client?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently refrain from criticizing your client. Things that help me do this include the following:

1. Remembering how criticism shuts down my thinking—and the thinking of my clients.
2. Focusing on helping my client discover action steps that will help him reach his goals.

Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently refrain from criticizing your client?

When coaching, listen, inquire, focus, and encourage.

I like getting encouragement. I like it more than getting critiques. Encouragement feels better and actually results in me working more effectively.
 
I believe in the power of encouragement, so I want to encourage others. One way I encourage others is by listening to what they say. And one way I demonstrate that I’m listening is by restating what the other person has been saying. Through restatement I show I’ve been listening and that I want to understand. For example, I might say, “If I understand correctly, you’re saying that ___. Is that right?”
 
Question: How often do you use restatement to encourage others?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Strive to consistently use restatement to encourage others. To encourage others, say things like: So what I think I hear you saying is ___. Is that right?
 
Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently encourage others through restatement?
 
*To learn more about encouraging others, click here.

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