A key reason I get coaching is because I want to understand and be understood. I want to understand, for example, what’s happening with a transition to living in a different culture for 6 months, how I feel about it, and how I can use it to further my goals. And I want to be understood—I want my coach to understand what I’m thinking and feeling, for example, about living in a different culture.
 
I don’t get coaching because I want to be judged. I don’t get coaching so I can hear my coach say things like “Living in a different culture is a bad idea” or “You shouldn’t feel apprehensive about living in a different culture” or “That’s a stupid action step.”
 
My point: If you want to help your coaching clients, listen to them. And when you listen, target understanding (not judging).
 
Question: How often do you target understanding?

1. Consistently?
2. Usually?
3. Sometimes?
4. Rarely?

Make sure you consistently target understanding. Things that help me do this include:

1. Remembering as a client how helpful it is when my coach really wants to understand me.
2. Remembering how much I dislike getting judged and how getting judging decreases my ability to reflect.

Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently target understanding?

Your mind is starting to wander. Your responses lack your usual focus and enthusiasm. When your calendar alarm goes off, you focus on it and miss a key thought your client has shared. And you’re concerned because you know these things indicate that you’re not really interested in what your client is saying.
 
Question: How often are you interested in what others say?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you’re consistently interested in what others say. Things that help me do this include the following:

1. Focusing on my client as a fellow Christian who is working to pursue his calling.
2. Making appropriate eye contact.
3. Removing distractions before I start coaching. For example, if I’m using videoconferencing to coach, I turn off all other software applications.

Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently are interested in what others say?

When coaching, listen, inquire, focus, and encourage.

Want to empower people? Want to develop leaders? Want to help others become better problem solvers and solve their problems? If so, try this one thing. It’s free. You can do it anywhere. And those you talk with like it.
 
What is it? It’s the 80/20 Rule. The 80/20 Rule says that in each conversation, you should listen 80% of the time and talk 20% of the time.
 
Question: How often do you talk 20% of the time?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently follow the 80/20 Rule. To do this, you’re going to have to keep the other person talking. What I do to keep others talking (so I can listen) is make inviting statements (Tell me more about that.) and ask open-ended questions like “What’s a key challenge you’re facing?”
 
Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently talk a maximum of 20% of the time?
 
*To learn more about listening, click here.

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