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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


How often do you use affirmation to encourage others?
Your client is sharing the results of the 2 action steps she’s taken to get better life balance. She walked for 30 minutes each day and is feeling more relaxed. And when her supervisor asked her to design a newsletter, she responded with, “I’m happy to design a newsletter. What would you like me to stop working on in order do this?” Her supervisor said she should stop work on a promotional video!
 
You look at your client and say, “You’ve made real progress on getting better life balance. You accomplished your 2 action steps. You’re more relaxed, and you took on a new task without increasing your overall workload. Good for you!” Your client has a big smile on her face. She looks encouraged.
 
My point: Use affirmation to encourage others.
 
Question: How often do you use affirmation to encourage others?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently use affirmation to encourage others. And when you give affirmation, make sure your affirmation is:

1. Growth-centered
2. Relevant
3. Authentic
4. Client-focused
5. Energizing
6. Specific

Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently use affirmation to encourage others?

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How often do you use clarification to encourage others?
I’m talking with a friend about how I can more effectively help an organization build capacity. I share that I’m not sufficiently aware of how the organization is responding to my recommendations. My friend asks, “What do you mean by ‘not sufficiently aware’?” I explain that I get no feedback so I don’t know which (if any) recommendations the organization has processed, and I don’t know what the organization thinks of my recommendations.
 
Then I go on to describe how I got involved with the organization. I share that the organization has asked me to submit recommendations in writing and that I don’t have the opportunity to discuss my recommendations with someone on staff. My friend asks, “So are you saying that you want to talk through your recommendations with someone in the organization?”
 
I like his questions. I like his questions because they show he’s listening. And I like his questions because they show he’s interested in me and in what I’m saying. His use of clarification encourages me to keep thinking and to find ways to help the organization.
 
Question: How often do you use clarification to encourage others?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

My point: Make sure you consistently use clarification to encourage others.
 
Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently use clarification to encourage others?

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How often do you use “encouragers” to encourage others?
In Japan, the listener shows that he’s listening by saying things like “hai hai,” (um hm) and “naruhodo” (I see). When the person talking hears these phrases, he’s encouraged to continue talking. In a real sense, these phrases are “encouragers.”
 
My point: Use “encouragers” to encourage your clients to keep talking and reflecting. When you’re coaching, say things like “yup,” “yes,” “um hmm,” “I see,” and “hmm.”
 
Question: How often do you use “encouragers” to encourage others?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Question: What will do to ensure that you consistently use “encouragers” to encourage others?

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How often do you refrain from asking “why” questions?
Ever been asked, “Why did you do that?” I have. While it does get me thinking, it also gets me feeling accused. And sometimes the feeling of being accused gets in the way of me thinking about why I did something.
 
The question “Why did you do that?” taps into childhood memories of really stupid things I’ve done (like when I was a young boy, I thought I could jump across a large manure pit, and fell in instead) and of my parents looking at me, wondering what I was thinking.
 
My point: If you want to help your coaching clients to reflect, and if you don’t want your clients feeling accused, refrain from asking “why” questions.
 
Question: How do often you refrain from asking “why” questions?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently refrain from asking “why” questions. One thing that helps me do this is asking questions that start with “what.” For example, “What caused you to do that?” (instead of “Why did you do that?”).
 
Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently refrain from asking “why” questions?

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


How often do you target understanding?
A key reason I get coaching is because I want to understand and be understood. I want to understand, for example, what’s happening with a transition to living in a different culture for 6 months, how I feel about it, and how I can use it to further my goals. And I want to be understood—I want my coach to understand what I’m thinking and feeling, for example, about living in a different culture.
 
I don’t get coaching because I want to be judged. I don’t get coaching so I can hear my coach say things like “Living in a different culture is a bad idea” or “You shouldn’t feel apprehensive about living in a different culture” or “That’s a stupid action step.”
 
My point: If you want to help your coaching clients, listen to them. And when you listen, target understanding (not judging).
 
Question: How often do you target understanding?

1. Consistently?
2. Usually?
3. Sometimes?
4. Rarely?

Make sure you consistently target understanding. Things that help me do this include:

1. Remembering as a client how helpful it is when my coach really wants to understand me.
2. Remembering how much I dislike getting judged and how getting judging decreases my ability to reflect.

Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently target understanding?

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I’ve gotten coaching on things that had obvious solutions. For example, I’ve gotten coaching on how avoid getting overloaded at a conference, when the (obvious) solution was to schedule down time. I’ve gotten coaching on which new goals to pursue, when the (obvious) solution was not to pursue any—my schedule was already full.
 
I’m glad that my coaches empowered me to discover effective action steps. I’m glad they didn’t say things like, “It’s a conference—you shouldn’t be focused on avoiding overload” or “Look, your schedule is already full, so thinking about which new goals to pursue is a bad idea.” I’m glad that coaches refrained from criticizing me.
 
Question: How often do you refrain from criticizing your client?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently refrain from criticizing your client. Things that help me do this include the following:

1. Remembering how criticism shuts down my thinking—and the thinking of my clients.
2. Focusing on helping my client discover action steps that will help him reach his goals.

Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently refrain from criticizing your client?

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My client wants to prioritize her tasks. So, I start by asking questions like “What tasks need to get done?” and “What else?” My client mentions a variety of tasks, including updating materials for a workshop on personal productivity, finalizing a presentation on planning tools for the leadership team, and attending a network meeting of church planters. Then she pauses and says, “I really need to get after my workshop materials.”

I notice her emphasis on workshop materials. Instead of asking a question, I make an inviting statement: “You mentioned that you need to update workshop materials and then you came back to that again. Tell me more about that.” She shares that she’s concerned about the workshop materials and that she’s been wondering if she should expand the number of workshops she’s doing.

My point: Make inviting statements.
 
Question: How often do you make inviting statements?
 
Things that help me make inviting statements include the following:

1. Recognizing that inviting statements help me reflect.
2. Remembering that inviting statements are an effective alternative to questions.

Question: What will you do to ensure that you make inviting statements?

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Your mind is starting to wander. Your responses lack your usual focus and enthusiasm. When your calendar alarm goes off, you focus on it and miss a key thought your client has shared. And you’re concerned because you know these things indicate that you’re not really interested in what your client is saying.
 
Question: How often are you interested in what others say?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you’re consistently interested in what others say. Things that help me do this include the following:

1. Focusing on my client as a fellow Christian who is working to pursue his calling.
2. Making appropriate eye contact.
3. Removing distractions before I start coaching. For example, if I’m using videoconferencing to coach, I turn off all other software applications.

Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently are interested in what others say?

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


Your client has explored what’s happening with her goal to make a career transition. You ask, “What can you do to move forward?” You wait about 15 seconds—your client doesn’t say anything. You rephrase the question and ask, “What are your options?’’ And you wait for about 10 seconds—your client doesn’t say anything. Then you say, “Here are 3 things you could do.…”
 
Not good. Why? Because by suggesting options you did the work your client is supposed to do. Because your suggestions interrupted some really good ideas your client was having—she wasn’t sitting there doing nothing. Because you hear your client say, “I appreciate your willingness to help. I was coming up with some good ideas, and when you gave your suggestions, I focused on listening to you. Now I’m having trouble remembering what I was thinking.” Ouch.
 
Question: How often to you refrain from suggesting options?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently refrain from suggesting options. Things that help me do this include the following:

1. Remembering that silence indicates reflection, not the absence of reflection.
2. Remembering that brainstorming options helps my client get motivated for action. And I want my client motivated for action.

Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently refrain from suggesting options?

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


Your client is talking about what’s happening with his goal to plan more effectively. You easily relate to this—a few years back you had a similar goal. Since then, you’ve done research on planning, coached 27 clients who are working on planning, and developed a 5-phase planning framework.
 
As you listen to your client, you think, “He’s at phase 2.” Your client pauses, and you hear yourself say, “As best I can tell, you’re in phase 2—you’re working and you have a plan. Since you don’t yet have a good documented plan, you follow your gut more than your plan.”
 
Then you recognize that you just described your client’s reality—something you don’t want to do. Because you want your client thinking, and when you describe your client’s reality, he’s not thinking.
 
Question: How often do you refrain from describing your client’s reality?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently refrain from describing your client’s reality. Two things that help me do this are:

1. Remembering that my client is the expert in his life—not me. He knows his reality.
2. Remembering that my goal is to get my client thinking about his reality.

Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently refrain from describing your client’s reality?

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By asking questions like:

1. What’s excellence?
2. What’s satisfying/unsatisfying about pursuing organizational excellence?
3. For your ministry, what does organizational excellence look like?
4. What can you do to pursue organizational excellence?
5. What will you do?

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By asking questions like:

1. What’s your mission statement?
2. What excites/concerns you about the mission?
3. How does your work help achieve the mission?
4. What helps you achieve the mission? What gets in your way?
5. On a scale of 1-5 (5 being high), how focused are you on your mission statement?
6. What can you do to increase your focus?
7. What will you do?

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Take a tutorial

• To learn more about enhancing organizational improvement, explore these 6 questions
• How focused are you on your God-given mission?

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


Check out the new videos

1. Use coaching to empower others
2. The coach's heart
3. Use LIFE skills
4. Use the GROW process

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How often do you refrain from giving advice/suggestions?
You want to help people. I do, too. One way to help people is by giving advice. But there are some definite downsides to giving advice:

• You might irritate someone by giving unsolicited advice.
• Your advice might work for you and not for the person you’re talking to.
• If someone takes your advice and it doesn’t work, that might harm your relationship.
• Giving advice doesn’t target developing the person into a better problem solver—it targets solving the immediate problem.

I don't want to irritate people, give advice that doesn’t work, put my relationships at risk, or only solve the immediate problem. I want people to solve their own problems by developing as problem solvers. So, I strive to refrain from giving advice.
 
Question: How often do you refrain from giving advice?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Strive to consistently refrain from giving advice. Strive to consistently focus on what others think in order to help them become better problem solvers. When you are tempted to give advice or when you find yourself focusing on what you are thinking, ask an open-ended question instead:

• What’s your goal?
• What’s going on?
• What are your options?
• What will you do?

Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently refrain from giving advice?

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


I like getting encouragement. I like it more than getting critiques. Encouragement feels better and actually results in me working more effectively.
 
I believe in the power of encouragement, so I want to encourage others. One way I encourage others is by listening to what they say. And one way I demonstrate that I’m listening is by restating what the other person has been saying. Through restatement I show I’ve been listening and that I want to understand. For example, I might say, “If I understand correctly, you’re saying that ___. Is that right?”
 
Question: How often do you use restatement to encourage others?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Strive to consistently use restatement to encourage others. To encourage others, say things like: So what I think I hear you saying is ___. Is that right?
 
Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently encourage others through restatement?
 
*To learn more about encouraging others, click here.

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What helps me get my goals accomplished? Developing my own action steps, action steps that I’m motivated to take and that are SMART. I don't have the same success rate when someone else develops the action steps and when the action steps are not SMART.
 
I’m sold on developing my own SMART action steps. And when I work with others, I work to focus them on developing their own SMART action steps.
 
Question: How often do you focus others on developing SMART action steps?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently focus others on developing SMART action steps. What helps me do this consistently is asking questions like:

• Specific: What do you mean by ___?
• Measurable: How will you know when you’ve achieved your action step?
• Attainable: How doable is this?
• Relevant: How will this action step help you achieve your goal?
• Timebound: When will you do this?

Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently focus others on developing SMART action steps?
 
*To learn more about focusing others, click here.

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


Want to encourage coaching in your organization? One way I encourage coaching is by developing sets of questions to be used in meetings and workshops. As a result of using sets of questions in meetings and workshops, staff have shifted toward asking questions and away from giving advice.

In the planning sessions I'm facilitating today, participants are using the following sets of questions to help others reflect:

Set 1

1. What’s your mission?
2. What’s it take to carry out your mission?
3. What’s already been accomplished?
4. What helps you?
5. What hinders you?
6. What are your options?
7. What will you do to achieve your goals?

Set 2

1. What is your mission? What are your goals?
2. How would you categorize progress on your goals? Why?
3. To what extent do your current action steps help you address your goals?

Set 3

1. What topics did you talk about in your tactical meeting?
2. What action steps are you going to take before your next meeting?
3. What did you learn by trying out different roles?
4. What will help your team work together better?

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


Want to empower people? Want to develop leaders? Want to help others become better problem solvers and solve their problems? If so, try this one thing. It’s free. You can do it anywhere. And those you talk with like it.
 
What is it? It’s the 80/20 Rule. The 80/20 Rule says that in each conversation, you should listen 80% of the time and talk 20% of the time.
 
Question: How often do you talk 20% of the time?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently follow the 80/20 Rule. To do this, you’re going to have to keep the other person talking. What I do to keep others talking (so I can listen) is make inviting statements (Tell me more about that.) and ask open-ended questions like “What’s a key challenge you’re facing?”
 
Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently talk a maximum of 20% of the time?
 
*To learn more about listening, click here.

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We all want to accomplish our goals. To accomplish our goals, we need to take action steps. I’ve found that the SMARTer the action step, the more likely I am to accomplish it. A SMART action steps is:

• Specific
• Measurable
• Attainable
• Relevant
• Timebound

“Get in shape” is not a SMART action step, and it’s actually not that easy to accomplish. “Walk for 30 minutes 3 times per week for 1 month” is a SMART action step, and it’s actually easier to accomplish than “Get in shape.”
 
Question: How often do you empower others to develop SMART action steps for each of their goals?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently empower others to develop SMART actions steps for each of their goals. If the person you’re talking to develops general action steps, help them SMARTen them up by asking questions like:

• Specific: What do you mean by ___?
• Measurable: How will you know when you’ve achieved your action step?
• Attainable: How doable is this?
• Relevant: How will this action step help you achieve your goal?
• Timebound: When will you do this?

Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently empower others to develop SMART action steps for each of their goals?
 
*To learn more about coaching others on taking action, click here.

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Sometimes I get stuck. I have a problem, and I can’t find a way to solve it. Then, I remember to brainstorm my options, to think outside the box. In short order, I’m unstuck and on my way to solving my problem. Brainstorming works for me. And I’ve found that brainstorming helps others.
 
Question: How often do you empower others to brainstorm options?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently empower others to brainstorm options. To help others brainstorm options, I like to ask “What are your options?” and “What else?”
 
Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently empower others to brainstorm options?
 
*To learn more about coaching on options, click here.

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You want to achieve your goal. And you want to take action now! Ever feel like that? I have. I like the energy, but I don’t necessarily like the results.
 
Why? Because when I take action without reflecting on my current reality, I forget to take into account things like family plans and my overall workload. What happens? I achieve things I don’t want (like family disharmony and personal fatigue), and I don’t achieve my goal.
 
Question: How often do you empower others to explore their current reality? Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


You’re coaching Toru. You have 30 minutes to help Toru achieve his goal. To use this time effectively, make sure you are clear on Toru’s goal. Otherwise, you’ll waste Toru’s time by asking irrelevant questions.
 
Question: How often are you clear on the other person’s goal?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


Through Christian coaching, you can empower others to pursue God’s call. To get an idea of how you can empower others even more effectively, complete the following self-assessment that addresses coaching beliefs, skills, and process. Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013

1. Empower others to strategically pursue God's calling
2. Lead by asking questions

Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


Ask questions to help those around you to focus, think through problems, and reach their goals. For example:

If your co-worker wants to more effectively disciple others, ask: How do you disciple people now? What’s causing you to want to improve? What’s “more effective discipleship” look like? What can you do? Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


Want to help others prioritize? Ask questions that provoke reflection. Read More...

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“This coaching series has helped me clarify God’s calling,” says Tomoko, a leadership developer based in Cambodia. “I like my personal mission statement: Empowering Christians to pursue God’s calling. Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


You’re coaching Tomoko, a leadership developer based in Cambodia who wants to clarify God’s calling. She’s made good progress. She’s developed a mission statement, identified 6 goals she needs to accomplish in order to carry out her mission, and reflected on what’s already been accomplished for each of her goals. During her last coaching session, she reflected on what helps and hinders her in achieving her goals. Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


Tomoko, a leadership developer based in Cambodia, has been working for several weeks to clarify God’s calling. In previous coaching sessions, she’s:

• Identified 4 problems and 3 opportunities she’s passionate about & blessed by God to address.
• Developed a mission statement.
• Identified 6 goals she needs to accomplish to carry out her mission.
• Reflected on what’s already been accomplished for each of her 6 goals. Read more...

Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


Considering getting coaching? If so, be sure you know what coaching is.

Question: What is coaching?

To get an answer to this question, do 3 things: Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


You’re coaching Mark, a math teacher at an international Christian school in Korea. He wants to clarify God’s calling. In previous sessions, he identified the problems/opportunities he’s passionate about and blessed by God to address. He also drafted a personal mission statement: Equipping Christians to live for Jesus. Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


“What I want to do is to develop a personal mission statement,” says Mark, a high school math teacher at an international Christian school in Korea. “I’m fairly clear on the problems/opportunities God is calling me to address. Having a mission statement will help me focus on these problems/opportunities.”
 
Question: What can you ask Mark? Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


You’re listening to Carla, a 43-year-old office worker. She’s experiencing significant change, including a new home, a new pastor at church, and her youngest child starting high school. Carla tells you that as a result of the changes she’s experiencing, she’s more sensitive to her own needs and the needs of others. Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


You’re coaching Bob. He shares that he’s turning 47, his oldest child is now a freshman in college, his best friend recently moved to the United Kingdom, and he’s thinking about changing careers. As Bob talks about what’s he’s experiencing, it becomes clear that Bob wants to clarify God’s calling in his life. He wants to develop a personal mission statement and to design goals to achieve that mission statement.
 
Question: What can you ask Bob to help him get started? Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


Your client wants clarify God’s calling. Asking questions will help. Here are 10 questions you can ask. Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


People grow as they take responsibility by defining, committing to, and achieving goals. I know I grow when I take responsibility. I’ll bet you do, too. As a coach, you can empower others to take responsibility. Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


Leaders grow as they take action to achieve their goals. Taking action is more about being motivated than about having information. If I’m not motivated, I won’t take action—even if I have good information. Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


What's a good way to cultivate a coaching culture? Having staff members ask each other a prescribed set of questions. Doing this results in staff members coaching and receiving coaching—without being trained in coaching. Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


As a Christian coach, you're free
Because God is at work in each of His people (Romans 8:28-29), you’re free. Because God is at work, you’re free not to give suggestions or advice to God’s people. Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


To encourage and empower others, listen
I like being listened to. When someone really listens to me, I feel heard, understood, and affirmed—and consequently, encouraged and empowered to pursue God’s calling. How about you? How do you feel when someone really listens to you? Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


How can you encourage others?
Everyone needs encouragement. You. Me. Everyone. How can you encourage others? Here’s a starter list: Read More...

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1-2-14 Shinkawa Cho, Higashi Kurume Shi, Tokyo 203-0013


Need to focus? Get coaching!
I like daily conversation. It flows freely, covers a range of topics, is not too focused, and is relaxing. How about you? But when I want to achieve a goal, I need a focused conversation. Read More...